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Avast! Assurances From 'Dear Abbey'

I got a chuckle out of this one. On Friday, I read a Paramus (N.J.) Post article (an advice column really) in which an engaged widow wanted to know what she should think about her betrothed now that she's discovered he has two storage units full of stuff he won't toss. "He's really nice and normal in most other ways," she said. The woman seemed to feel the use of self-storage indicates some anomaly, as if in answer to the puzzle, "I know there must be something wrong with this person. What is it?" Ah-HA! He has storage units full of junk! There's the rub!

Fortunately, columnist Rose Gilbert has some sense. "Actually, renting space to store excess belongings is pretty normal these days," she responded. Her advice? Avoid the issue unless the fiance indicates a desire to bring the goods home to roost. Then she recommends a good garage-storage system. (Grrrrrr. Garage storage. One of our greatest competitors?)

As socially acceptable as the concept of storage has become, I find it refreshing there are still people who recognize it for what it is: the symptom of a gross attachment to material possessions. So now, ladies and gents, when you're interviewing your future mates, add to your list of qualifying questions this beauty: Do you have a storage unit (several storage units)? If so, are they crammed with items you absolutely can't live without, and will you someday be looking to merge these precious belongings into our humble household?

By the way (and completely off the subject), today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. I feel it my duty as a modern-day adventurer to inform you (though the first person who refers to me as a "saucy wench" will walk the plank!). You know, not enough people talk like pirates anymore. In fact, I think I'm going to institute a tradition of teaching you a new pirate word at the end of every blog post. So here's your word for today (we'll start with something simple):

- Attention please! Listen up!

Example: Avast, ye scurvy storage operators! Go out and celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

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