Good morning! Im your typical busy potential customer, calling to inquire about renting storage space. Want to know how to easily get me to call the next facility in the phone book? Read on!

1. Take your time answering the phone. Any more than two rings, and I think a) youre not there; b) you dont know how to run your business if you cant answer the phone quickly; c) you dont value my time; or d) all of the above. Any more than two to three rings, and Im outta here. (Another good reason to use two rings as your standard: Most of your competitors use three rings as their benchmark, so go one better than themin everything.)

2. When you answer the phone, dont thank me for calling. No one says thanks to me anymore. Not my kids for their allowances. Not my boss for my hard work. Not my dog for buying him that fancy, expensive gourmet food. Not a soul. And now you dont value my call enough to say Thank you for calling? Buh-bye.

3. Dont ask my name. Bob Seger said it best: I feel like a number. Everywhere I go these days, people assign me numbersthe bank, the deli, the car wash. When I call most companies I do business with, I have to enter a 16-digit account number just to talk to an automated attendant. I just want to be me!

4. Dont use my name. I tell ya, I dont get any respect. I cant hear my name enough. I love the sound of it. It makes me think Im importantespecially if you use Mr. before it, and a lot. Humor me a little here, or Ill find someone who will.

5. Tell me your troubles, dear. I dont care if you cant collect from that guy who rents unit 215, your kids are sick, youre having a bad morning, your boss didnt get the paychecks today, etc. My problems make yours look like a day at the country club. All I know is I need to rent some space, I need to do it now, and as much as Id love to talk to you (OK, not really), I cant help you with your problems.

6. Dont tell me the name of your company when you answer. Ive already called two (or was it three?) of your competitors this morning. I just lifted my finger off your ad in the Yellow Pages, and now I cant remember your name. I dont want you to think Im dumb, so I wont ask you to repeat it to me. Help me out here, just a little.

7. Tell me all about yourself. Oh yeah, I think its really cool that you have climate-controlled, basement-level, sound-proof storage space in 14 different sizes, but Im not going to be using the unit to make Eskimo Pies while jamming to Metallica. I want to hear about what I need. Listen to me, ask me questions. Then tell me how much we have in common. Go ahead. Make my day.

8. Wheres our relationship going? I like you, and Id like to take this to the next level, but I dont know what you want. Do you want to just chat about your features and benefits, or do you really want my business? Do you have a fear of commitment? Youve heard stories about the prettiest girl in school who never got invited to the prom. They were true. If you actually ask me to rent space from you, you might be amazed to find Ill say Yes! If you dont ask, youll always think about what might have been.

9. Assume Im only one call. You might be having a bad moment and decide Im not that important. You get plenty of calls, right? The phone rings all the time. You just ran a new ad, and thats going to generate a lot of new business. Sure, Im only one call. But I work with 25 people. And I have 75 friends. My church averages 750 attendees at each service. My kids sports games attract dozens of people. I like to tell people when Im not treated well somewhere. So does everybody else.

10. Just hang up. You dont have to thank me for callingyou already did that, right? I want you to thank me. I want you to thank me. You dont have a second chance to make a last impression. If you dont thank me, Im gone. Down the road. Next, please.

Ron Welty is the president of Perrysburg, Ohio-based IntelliShop, a national provider of mystery-shopping and other customer-experience measurement services throughout the United States. For more information, call 877.894.6349; visit www.intelli-shop.com.